Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing, and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.
--Rumi (from the home page of the The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) website: www.cnvc.org)
Book Review: Nonviolent Communication: a Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg, Puddledancer Press, 2003.
What if most of the ideas, beliefs and language you carry about violence and conflict—the ideas that rattle around inside your head, the words you speak without even being aware of them—turned out to be what’s making you unhappy, unproductive, and mired in struggle?
Nonviolent communication (NVC) founder and author Marshall Rosenberg and the global community of nonviolent communication practitioners want you to know that NVC is a practice they’ve found effective from the nitty-gritty of personal relationships to large-scale, war-torn areas including Rwanda, Nigeria, Malaysia, the Middle East, Serbia, Croatia and Ireland.
To help spread the skills they believe can transform all kinds of conflicts, certified trainers around the globe provide weekend and weeklong sessions. Unfortunately, a search of the Internet indicates that Kentucky does not currently have certified trainers registered and available. One alternative for those who want more but are not willing to commit to the travel and expense of attending training sessions is to search out and become familiar with the multitude of online resources (the main website at www.cnvc.org is a good place to start).
If you still want a book in your hands, this text and its companion workbook are an excellent resource. Together, the two books provide foundations and practical exercises to enable someone interested in learning about NVC to apply the skills immediately. The books outline the foundational insight of NVC: “Violence is a tragic expression of unmet needs.” They provide step-by-step alternative practice to our learned, and all too frequently violent, everyday language. Many anecdotes and testimonials testify to the transformative power of communicating with others— and ourselves—nonviolently.
The Basics of NonViolent Communication (NVC)
Briefly, the goal of nonviolent communication (NVC) is to reconnect us to the “language of life,” where human relationships are about joyful giving and receiving. The aim is to communicate with authenticity and to practice empathy, which is to be fully present to others.
Toward that end, NVC has a four-part process (see graphic, below for a visual summary).
NVC practitioners are trained to identify:
- Observations without judgment
- Feelings, their own and others’
- Needs which are foundational to connection
- Requests, which are concrete actions we request others take
This is a tall order! NVC is seen as a practice that takes a lifetime to master. The workbook is designed both for individual and group practice. Many find learning NVC with others to be part of what makes this a transformative practice. This book review is by Gail Koehler, a lead trainer for Lexington United. If you are a NVC-trained person in central Kentucky interested in connecting with those who would like to learn more, please email Gail at gmkkentucky@gmail.com.
A version of this review was printed in the May 2014 issue of Central Kentucky for Peace and Justice's newsletter Peaceways.
Graphic at left is found at http://www.pennywassman.ca/process.html.
Relearning nonviolent methods of communicating and resolving conflict is a lifelong journey. Do you have resources or suggestions for future blog posts or newsletter articles? Let us know here.
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